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Selfies, smirks, and showers

I hate taking showers. I can’t tell you why. I always feel good afterward. My hair looks better, my skin looks better, I smell better. There’s no logical reason behind it. Except that after the shower I have to dry off, then put lotion on, and then dry and style my hair. All of which can take upwards of 20 minutes. Not a long time in girly-girl maintenance time, but still a solid chunk. Some days (read: almost every other), I just grab a washcloth, do a quick little whore’s shower, throw on a hat, and I’m out the door.

Shameful, I know.

Also, I hate taking selfies. The angle of my face is never quite right, my chin has always doubled itself, my smile becomes too big, my eyes too small, and if I try to temper my smile my resting bitch face settles in. And I look bitchy. Really bitchy.

I know, I know, everyone hates themselves in pictures, blah blah blah. (We can talk about you in the next post. Right now I’m discussing me and my insecurities.)

So, the other day I found, at least for me, a solution to my awkward, bitchy-faced, bad-angled selfies.

The side, scrunched variation on the fish face. It solves every issue for me. If I make that face, I will invariably like the picture. I don’t know if it’s because my face relaxes, or I don’t have to smile, or I’m not serious, or what.

But yesterday I wanted to send a selfie to R. I hadn’t showered, so I felt grosss, my hair was a wreck so I had a hat on, I was literally getting into my car to go to work, and it was a selfie. So a combination of everything bad I’ve previously mentioned.

No thinking, no prepping. Side, scrunched variation on the fish face, turtled my head so the chin becomes singular again, hat covering overgrown bangs and unwashed scalp, and boom. A somewhat decent selfie, in one take.

I feel accomplished and proud. I might just use this pic for everything. Including this post.

Did someone say drop the mike? Cause I totally just did.

Even though that phrase is SO last week.


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