top of page

I'm a sheep

I gave in today and wore a bra. I’m so disappointed with myself. But it turns out, those little nipple covers don’t last forever. Not even close.

I knew this already, it’s not my first rodeo. They last about 3 weeks with every day wear before the adhesive starts to get all full of lint and hair, and they develop a sweat-like odor. Because, boob-sweat, it’s a thing.

Anyway, with the bra I felt constricted all day, like I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure the argument could be made that my bra is the wrong size. But I think I’m going to go with the argument that the bra, really any bra for that matter, is detrimental to my pulmonary health and should be avoided at all costs. My lungs clearly do not appreciate or respond well to the boa constrictor type squeezing the bra likes to inflict.

I’m going to ask my doctor for a note to excuse my bra at work. Because I take my health seriously. Not to the point where I exercise, eat a balanced diet, or avoid caffeine and alcohol. But definitely to the point where I like to breathe freely.

Thus leading me to wonder if my nipples appreciate being locked under sticky rubber disks all day. Maybe they would like to breathe freely as well. I’d forgoe the little circles of confinement, but my nips like to stand at attention, pretty much all the time. In which case I should probably have t-shirts made with a short explanation as to my extreme nipple-iness so people don’t think I’m a pointy-nippled hippie just running around and swinging free.

Except, by that argument, I am already pointy-nippled hippie just running around and swinging free since I hate wearing the bra to begin with.

Shit, now I’ve come full circle, making this entire post pointless. And, I can’t tell if my pun is intended or not.


bottom of page